Little did she know that she had married a man with autism. Neither does your husband

What if your soulmate doesn’t share their feelings, doesn’t understand social cues, or plays up romance – because they’re disabled? Discovering Asperger’s Syndrome was the first step in saving this couple’s marriage.
Ten years after their marriage, Amy * began to wonder, “Did I sign up for the wrong thing?”

Jake * (not their real names) didn’t care about the relationship. He still refused to call her parents “mom” and “dad” (a Chinese tradition) or to speak more than two sentences to them. He was determined to stay away from their social gatherings as well.
It was war, as if he didn’t want to be part of her life. There was that nagging feeling that Jake was indifferent, even rude. “I just couldn’t place it,” says Amy. “I had the feeling that it is just so difficult …

However, Jake accepts himself as anything but indifferent. It was logical.

But there never seemed to be any real explanation as to why he was more comfortable waiting in the car than going to Amy’s with her friends; why it was nonsense to call someone who was not blood relatives “mom” or “dad”; why his loyalty to her was sufficient for the relationship.

The couple are about to divorce.

Then Jake read Look Me In The Eye: My Life With Asperger’s. He cried alone in the car while he was there. At 37, his life finally made sense. But that was hard to accept as you approached middle age.
“I’ve started to blame myself for my condition. It had caused a misunderstanding; it had affected our relationship, ”he says. Two years later, he still cries when he talks about it. “I realized that I had struggled with my life so much.”

For laypeople, Asperger’s Syndrome is a milder and less disabling form of autism that is characterized by social awkwardness, poor understanding of social cues, and showing fewer emotions. People with Asperger’s may have a high level of intelligence and above-average verbal skills.

Since 2013 it is no longer classified as an independent diagnosis, but as part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

For Amy, she was able to look back on their relationship and see how Asperger explained many things, including the little things. At last she was able to recognize and accept her husband for who he really was.
“I found this guy very strange, very shy,” recalls Amy, who worked in the same company but in a different department as him.

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